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Hephaestus

Let's Talk Relationships (Semi NSFW?)

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Hephaestus    157

So I haven't made a new topic here in years and this topic has been affecting me a lot recently so here goes what I think they should have taught about relationships in school.

  1. The word love is a hell of a trap. It shouldn't even be used until you are in a relationship for a few months and you are sure everything is working out because if you don't feel it already, once you say it it becomes what you believe, and if things ever go south, it can make you feel the shittiest you've ever felt.
     
  2. Love/liking someone a lot blinds you easily. It makes you say stupid things, and do stupid things, especially when things aren't going great, and you just need to try to look at things from a rational standpoint, or communicate to see how the other person feels.
     
  3. Liking someone a lot will make your mood flip easily, it can make you feel really shitty one moment, and really great the next, and it almost feels sometimes like you're a preteen girl or something with how easy it changes.
     
  4. If you have feelings for someone, and they're not ready to commit to a relationship yet, having casual sex is one of the worst things you can do. It increases attachment so much that you'll end up feeling really shitty afterwards when they're not ready to enter a relationship.
     
  5. The first person you do stuff with you're probably going to end up pretty attached to.
     
  6. If you're a soft type of person or put your heart out on your sleeve, casual relations will affect you a lot more, and you'll probably develop feelings a lot more easily.
     
  7. Love is a hell of a drug. It's not hard to feel addicted sometimes.

There's a lot of other things with relationships/love, but I felt these were some of the more important points and to start this topic off about how it affects people. Sometimes you just never really know how an action will affect you until it actually happens, and sometimes your predictions can be completely wrong about how you'll feel and you just have to deal with it. What do you guys think?

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asmcint    279

One key point for any relationship, whether it be familial, between friends, or the kind of relationship OP is talking about: If there is a problem, pursue it, work it out. It may take all night and into the morning, but do not let it go, do not go to bed angry. And do this as logically and rationally as you can, though of course any such situation will still be emotionally charged. Work down to the root of the problem, then work out how to avoid it in the future.

 

Also, never take the chance that the last words you say to someone will be said in anger. Even if you're furious with someone, before they leave do your best to say something positive. In a serious relationship, just "I love you" is fine.

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Hephaestus    157

One key point for any relationship, whether it be familial, between friends, or the kind of relationship OP is talking about: If there is a problem, pursue it, work it out. It may take all night and into the morning, but do not let it go, do not go to bed angry. And do this as logically and rationally as you can, though of course any such situation will still be emotionally charged. Work down to the root of the problem, then work out how to avoid it in the future.

 

Also, never take the chance that the last words you say to someone will be said in anger. Even if you're furious with someone, before they leave do your best to say something positive. In a serious relationship, just "I love you" is fine.

 

Yeah dude, that stuff's really important. There's a lot of people who leave and try to make the other person feel pain or mess with their mind, it's some really messed up stuff. It makes it so much harder for the person to trust someone after, and sometimes it takes years to build trust in someone, especially someone who's had their trust broken a lot of times by people in the past. And sometimes you just want so badly to show them that you're a trustworthy person, that you won't screw them over, that you won't break their trust, that you won't hurt them like other people have, but talk is cheap, and it takes a lot of time and experiences to build that trust. It's like you want to be completely there for them, but it takes a long time to build that trust for them to share and you to be able to be there.

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Remy    307

One tip I will give to any person who has just gotten into their first relationship: Never be afraid to fall on your sword. But also don't be afraid to stand your ground when they don't budge. I've seen a good amount of friends break up with their girlfriends/boyfriends because they either said something they regretted and never manned up to apologise for it, or were too stubborn to admit when they were in the wrong and let their pride speak for them.

 

There is always a balance you have to find in a relationship. Whether it's admitting when you've wrong them and to let your guard down, or standing up when they're constantly trying to control who you are and what you should do. But above all else...

 

Never...

 

Ever...

 

In a million years...

 

 

Say the first thing that comes into your head. Never.

 

Edited by Remy
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MasterFux    390

Be rational, be forward, be honest, be mindful, and be sure that you actually see yourself in a stable future with the person you're with or- at the very least- that you'll both derive net pleasure by the time the relationship is over. And especially be sure that being with your partner is actually good for you.

 

Personally, I don't think relationships are made to last. There are exceptions, but most of the time we tend to grow weary of having the same partner for any lengthy duration. This is evident throughout a lot of human history and development, and by the fact that people constantly break up and find other partners nowadays, as well as the decently high divorce rate. Following this train of thought, I think marriage is a stupid concept today. That is, one conceived when most people were lucky to live past 40.

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majesty327    206

I'd like to preface this by saying that in countries with arranged marriages, relationships tend to last significantly longer.

Now, why is that? Well, I have this running little hypothesis rattling around my skull.

Marriage in the USA is synonymous with the word "love". But love burns out quickly, a bit like an adrenaline high.

The issue is that people marry others they "love", but they do not respect the person they "love".

In countries with arranged marriages, these people didn't "love" each other, so they had to learn how to respect each other.

Relationships built on common respect always last.

 

Food is a good way to analogize it. Love without respect is the equivalent of eating three tubs of ice cream in 20 minutes, and never wanting to eat ice cream again. Respect is having a single bowl, savoring the flavor, and making it last, so you're always hungry for the next bowl of ice cream.

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honuchu    112

Piggybacking off of majesty, many countries with arranged marriages often have interviews and screenings. These can be just between the potential brides/grooms or with the entire family. One of the most important things during these interviews is the resume swap; both parties will go over the other's job and economic standing. Having the financial side of things squared away is another huge factor in keeping marriages stable in arranged marriages. While marriage in the US is mostly based on love, many fail to financially prepare to enter such union. The financial strain is extremely volatile on any relationship, and while it isn't the most notable factor of divorce, it can often lead to it. More polar to arranged marriages, many people in the US don't factor in their partner's financial status--love is the most important thing, right?

 

Loving someone is a choice, and over an extended period of time it definitely is an active effort to maintain. It's not that they're any harder to love, it's just that things are less spontaneous and new. You can still very much enjoy your time around them, but life happens around you as well and many things you once thought were attractive in your partner can turn into tiring or burdensome. As hard as attachment makes it, people have their own right to leave because they feel as if they and their partner aren't on the same wavelength.

 

Investment is a big thing for me, as I have trouble making things solely about me or even sometimes not allowing enough space. "You do you" speaks to me a lot; I forget that we can be off doing our own things and still reconvene some time later and love just as much. Uni and work threw me for a loop in time management, but being in a supportive relationship really taught me that I can focus on myself and still be loved. As a general rule when it comes to any relationship, I try and stick to not speaking out of anger and not making decisions when sad. Those don't always work out but it's important to remember that communication is key.

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Remy    307

Piggybacking off of majesty, many countries with arranged marriages often have interviews and screenings. These can be just between the potential brides/grooms or with the entire family. One of the most important things during these interviews is the resume swap; both parties will go over the other's job and economic standing. Having the financial side of things squared away is another huge factor in keeping marriages stable in arranged marriages. While marriage in the US is mostly based on love, many fail to financially prepare to enter such union. The financial strain is extremely volatile on any relationship, and while it isn't the most notable factor of divorce, it can often lead to it. More polar to arranged marriages, many people in the US don't factor in their partner's financial status--love is the most important thing, right?

 

Loving someone is a choice, and over an extended period of time it definitely is an active effort to maintain. It's not that they're any harder to love, it's just that things are less spontaneous and new. You can still very much enjoy your time around them, but life happens around you as well and many things you once thought were attractive in your partner can turn into tiring or burdensome. As hard as attachment makes it, people have their own right to leave because they feel as if they and their partner aren't on the same wavelength.

 

Investment is a big thing for me, as I have trouble making things solely about me or even sometimes not allowing enough space. "You do you" speaks to me a lot; I forget that we can be off doing our own things and still reconvene some time later and love just as much. Uni and work threw me for a loop in time management, but being in a supportive relationship really taught me that I can focus on myself and still be loved. As a general rule when it comes to any relationship, I try and stick to not speaking out of anger and not making decisions when sad. Those don't always work out but it's important to remember that communication is key.

 

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blind7125    1924

My father always said two things are necessary for a successful relationship, communication and sex. Seems to be working great so far, considering I just got married.

Edited by blind7125
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majesty327    206

My father always said two things are necessary for a successful relationship, communication and sex. Seems to be working great so far, considering I just got married.

You popped the question to Starberry?

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You popped the question to Starberry?

I've been wearing a ring since I started having seizures. Also "married" already implies that we were engaged for a period of time, yes.

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majesty327    206

I've been wearing a ring since I started having seizures. Also "married" already implies that we were engaged for a period of time, yes.

Holy shit, you've been having seizures?

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blind7125    1924

Holy shit, you've been having seizures?

 

Started back in March. She's had three since then, each about a month to two months apart. None since, but she's also on medication for the next two years at least. I have a strong suspicion that it isn't epilepsy (the EEG came back negative, not that the test is definitive), but rather a result of our somewhat terrible lifestyle or a stress/somatic disorder. Since fixing a few things, my own muscle spasms have reduced considerably. That doesn't really mean anything, but it's funny I've predicted almost every aura and seizure she's had since the first one just because my muscle spasms would intensify. Just gotta eat and sleep better lol.

 

I was planning on asking her to marry me this summer, but the whole seizure thing kinda bumped it up. Seizures open up the possibility for physical trauma from falls, which means a doctor will likely want someone home with her if she suffers a head injury. I can't really take off on a moment's notice for someone else, throughout the year, without being on FMLA which requires that I be her husband.

 

The ring nigga:

 

IMG_20160429_124718.jpg

Edited by blind7125
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majesty327    206

-snip-

Shit dude. We gotta hang out sometime. Sorry your lifestyle caught up with you.

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Remy    307

-snip-

 

Damn nigga, that's a fine-ass ring you got her! I hope you two have a wonderful, semi-stress free life together.

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Lynx OGrady    406

Congrats you two, Take care.

 

Anyway, slightly late, but better late than never i suppose.

 

If there is any sort of advice that i can give about any sort of relationship is;

Know when to pull out. No... not a sexual reference, or maybe it is if you don't want kids just yet, your call viewer at large.

 

No, what I mean is, know when you're the only one trying. If he/she isn't into you or if you're the one who initiates about 99% of all conversations and during those conversations, you feel like the other party is heavily disinterested or just plain annoyed... you're probably not going to get them.

 

You know that extremely corny saying of "if you love something, set it free"? It wouldn't be said as much as it is if it wasn't grounded in some semblance of truth. I'd say something about being truthful with each other and not letting things go unsaid because i feel y'all have touched upon that multiple times.

 

Continuing to pursue someone who doesn't feel the same can give you incredible amounts of stress, feeling that you've put so much effort into something, only for it to simply not work and, walking away at that point just hurts.

 

Not knowing when to let go is a pain i wouldn't wish upon anyone, and it sucks when you watch yourself do it... multiple times....

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Remy    307

Congrats you two, Take care.

 

Anyway, slightly late, but better late than never i suppose.

 

If there is any sort of advice that i can give about any sort of relationship is;

Know when to pull out. No... not a sexual reference, or maybe it is if you don't want kids just yet, your call viewer at large.

 

No, what I mean is, know when you're the only one trying. If he/she isn't into you or if you're the one who initiates about 99% of all conversations and during those conversations, you feel like the other party is heavily disinterested or just plain annoyed... you're probably not going to get them.

 

You know that extremely corny saying of "if you love something, set it free"? It wouldn't be said as much as it is if it wasn't grounded in some semblance of truth. I'd say something about being truthful with each other and not letting things go unsaid because i feel y'all have touched upon that multiple times.

 

Continuing to pursue someone who doesn't feel the same can give you incredible amounts of stress, feeling that you've put so much effort into something, only for it to simply not work and, walking away at that point just hurts.

 

Not knowing when to let go is a pain i wouldn't wish upon anyone, and it sucks when you watch yourself do it... multiple times....

 

That advice can be attributed to a former friend of mine who was dating this girl for the past 2 years. At first, they seemed like they were made for each other. Then as the months went by, I notice a recurring pattern. I would organise an event, I would invite him, he would accept and blow me off at the last minute. This happened every week, without fail. Then I notice something else. He would take this girl with him everywhere. No, no. I mean EVERYWHERE. To my house, to our other friend's house, to his cousin's bachelor party, everywhere.

 

Something changed in him. He was no longer happy, joyful, boisterous and full of life. He looked as if he had all hope and happiness sucked out of him. He was a broken man. He drank himself to near-death every night, his girlfriend always spoke over the top of him, he couldn't even look her in the eye. That's when I found out what the fuck happened. He tried to break up with her 3 months prior and she took a knife to her own throat and threatened to kill herself and frame him for it if he dumped her. The psychotic bitch was literally holding him hostage. It was only until we called the police shortly after he tried to break up with her again, that they restrained her and got her some much needed help.

 

To bring it back to what you were saying Lynx, you should always know when to pull out (tee hee). I lost a good friend of mine because he didn't know when to get out. Damn shame I didn't tell him sooner.

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Nessosin    705

In a 3 year long relationship and getting married in 3 months. Here are some of my tips that have worked for us so far to make our relationship stronger and keep us close.

 

Do nice things for the person you are with just for the sake of being nice to them.

Say "I love you" every single day. Even when (or especially when) you are upset with the other person.

Do something you don't want to do, because they want to do it sometimes.

Explore new sexual activities together.

Explore new non-sexual activities together.

Actually talk to each other during meals.

Cook together.

Find hobbies to do together, but also maintain separate hobbies for time alone.

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Remy    307

Cook together.

 

That's a big thing for me and my boyfriend. Nothing brings two people together better than jamming to some Peter Gabriel and cooking a meal together. Heck, we got so caught up in the moment that we ended up cooking 3 different servings of beef casserole, chicken cacciatore and chicken tikka misala.

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Sirenfal    4034

That's a big thing for me and my boyfriend. Nothing brings two people together better than jamming to some Peter Gabriel and cooking a meal together. Heck, we got so caught up in the moment that we ended up cooking 3 different servings of beef casserole, chicken cacciatore and chicken tikka misala.

 

Careful, he's gay. This advice may be some sort of homosexual subliminal messaging

 

Pic related

 

N5RMtHS.png

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asmcint    279

Careful, he's gay. This advice may be some sort of homosexual subliminal messaging

 

Pic related

rallysnip

 

Hmm, choosing between his homosexual subliminal messaging and your less-than-subtle BDSM messages. Choices choices.

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